a little girl’s fantasy world

After five years at SMK St. Mary… It was time for the final School Leaver’s Service.

It wasn’t like I wanted to go, I thought, oh okay, since it’s my last chance I might as well attend it. But somehow I’m glad that I did.

It made me cry so bad I used up a whole packet of tissues and more. Not because I was sad about leaving school, I wasn’t, it was the whole event that made me cry. My school is a Christian school, so whenever it was during School Leaver’s they would give speeches on Christianity and stuff. Usually, I wasn’t affected by stuff like these. I wasn’t even what you could really call a Christian… But today, I cried. And cried. And cried.

When they showed the video about the destruction of the world coming, it made me sad inside. Why? Because I knew it was true, the signs were there, everything is already in motion. I didn’t cry then though.

I started crying when they did the skit about God who created man, and all the obstacles that were put in his way to separate him from God. It was so heart-wrenching and heart-breaking that I couldn’t help but cry because I felt like… That person was me. Especially when they showed the girls who represented ‘Beauty’ and ‘Money’ for I knew I was obsessed over the both of them.

Later on, when three girls came up and shared their stories of how God touched their lives, I cried again. It was so real, it reminded myself of me again. There was a girl who suffered from depression, a girl who thought she had no self-worth, and a girl who was once a close friend of mine who resorted to cutting herself before they found God. I cried for her, and I cried for myself who wasn’t there to help her. I felt like I was a worthless friend. ._____. But she said God is a God of 2nd chances. And that made me cry again.

After that, when the pastor preached about her own experiences, I cried too. She was a ‘fat’ person who came from a broken home and was a homosexual for years. It made me realized how other people suffered, and that their sufferings were worse than mine.

Finally when the altar call came, Michelle lead me forward (or more like dragged me). Miss Boey came and prayed for me and I was crying. Crying. Crying. And when I opened my eyes Michelle was crying too. (Lolol she said she was happy or something… For what? For me? Lol.) It was kind of touching though, seeing my best friend cry with me. Ha ha ha.

Anyway, I’m not sure what my crying meant. Am I able to accept Christ now? I really don’t know. Some part of me wants to… But I’m not sure if I can yet. I feel like my whole life is covered with sins and sins and more sins that I don’t know how to stop sinning. I’ll try my best though. After all, God is a God of 2nd chances. And God loves ME.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 7:07 pm and is filed under Feelings & rants. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.